5 Tactics to Help You Love Your Job Again  

Every relationship has ups and downs. As anyone who has ever been part of a couple can attest, you don’t always love the one you’re with. When your relationship first blossomed, the air was sweeter, the outlook was rosy and you couldn’t imagine ever being with anyone else.

Sometimes, the needle on your feelings meter rests in the zone between complete indifference and outright hatred. Date nights, redefining roles and learning different ways to communicate are some of the tactics that partners employ to learn to love and appreciate each other again, sometimes more than they ever had.

Your first few days at your job felt like a budding, new relationship. Your new office was perfect; the work was challenging, made you feel alive and kept you on your toes a bit. You adored everything about your boss, and the annoying way she taps her pen against her leg while she talks to you was somehow endearing.

If your relationship with your job feels more like an old ball and chain than a new flame, it could be time to give your relationship a tune-up. Whether or not you love coming to work every day is, by and large, your responsibility. You can show up and take up space, or you can actively participate in making the relationship better.

Reconnect with Your Why
When relationships fail, it is frequently because the needs of one or both partners are not being met. In the beginning, when your work relationship was new, you lived a honeymoon period when each challenge was something new and exciting to tackle. You loved all the new characteristics of your company, just as you fell for the traits of your significant other. You felt needed because you filled a new, pivotal position in the company and people depended on you. Your team came to you for advice, and treated you like you had all the answers.

After a while, however, some of your favorite team members moved on to other positions or left the company. You moved up into a role that requires more spreadsheet management than sage advice.  What was it that you enjoyed about your job when you first started? Can you even recall?

If you loved your job in the beginning, what made it exciting? Was your job challenging? Maybe you need to take on bigger projects. Maybe you like the challenge of building a company but dislike the maintenance phase. If you thrive on helping others, mentoring someone would allow you to share your knowledge and help others to move their careers ahead, things that you naturally enjoy. Figuring out why you feel disconnected and discontented will give you valuable insights into what you can do to change the relationship.

Take a Trial Separation
Work might not be the best place to objectively look at your job with many of the things you have grown to despise surrounding you. Declare a trial separation. Venture off on your own to analyze your work environment. If you don’t control the schedule, use some vacation or sick days. If you haven’t got any leave time coming to you, go off by yourself–even if only for a few hours each week—to think about what is inside you. Sit quietly with yourself. What does your heart tell you that you want? How can your head find ways to make that happen at your current job? You might not be as far apart as you think you are. When you’re unhappy, it’s easy to focus on the negative, so much so, that you forget what your version of happiness is.

Picture Your Own Happiness
What did your dream job look like when you were little? You probably didn’t become the ballerina that your 9-year-old-self imagined. What made your 20-ish-self happy? Your needs and dreams change over time, you know that. It is possible that you have grown in such a way that what amused you in the beginning no longer fits the bill. If you can’t picture your own happiness, you won’t be able to articulate what you need to find it.

Communicate Openly
Does your boss know you are unhappy or unfulfilled? Maybe not. Your boss has her own obligations, struggles and needs. She might not be ignoring you; she could be clueless. Have you ever assumed your partner knew what you wanted, only to discover that he or she had no idea how you felt? Discuss your needs. If working remotely two days a week will make you happier, ask for it. What have you got to lose?

Invest More in your Relationship
Bystanders shouldn’t complain that the ball never comes to them. If you only show up for work and do what you need to get by, then you are unlikely to see any improvement in your situation. Give more to your relationship with your job. Instead of pulling away from your job, invest a little more into it. If your employer sponsors a softball team, pick up a glove and join in. Volunteer with the company at the local food pantry on Saturday morning, even if you would rather sleep until noon. These are opportunities to find something new to love about your job, while you learn more about the people with whom you spend eight or more hours each day.

“To be successful, the first thing to do is fall in love with your work,” said Sister Mary Lauretta, a nun and schoolteacher famous for having inspired multiple students to win the Westinghouse Science Talent Search. If you’ve fallen out of love with your work, rekindle your romance. You’ll be happier to get out of bed in the morning and have a spring in your step all the way to the office. If that doesn’t work, and the relationship isn’t salvageable, at least you’ll know you gave it your all. Then, by all means, update your resume and look for a better match.