7 Tips to Help You Manage a Career Departure with Your Professionalism Intact   

Leaving a job can be met with either dread or excitement, depending on the terms of your departure. Regardless of the circumstances behind the choice, it is always worth leaving on the best possible terms. Sure, we all dream of the moment when we can tell our bosses off and storm out in a moment of glory, but that really ends well only for the spectators who will have a story to gossip about. You may become a “legend” to co-workers, but the story will come across very differently in time, and you won’t always be seen as the hero.

Whether they are senior-level employees or interns, when people leave a company, their stories are similar: poor performance, new and better opportunity outside of the company, conflicts with management, unethical behaviors, acquisition. Their behavior in leaving, however, differs widely: from gentlemanly handshakes to tossed tables; from yelling fits of rage to peaceful transitions of power.

Even if you are being escorted out the door with the proverbial cardboard box of personal belongings, you should exit with your professionalism intact. How do you keep your cool and take “the high road” on your journey onward and upward? Here are some thoughts from lessons learned the hard way:

• Be aware and reflect. Most company departures are not a surprise. Whether you have had ongoing conversations and performance reviews, or just witnessed a strained relationship with your direct manager/co-workers, you most likely are aware of your standing in a company or a department, at the very least. Self-awareness is one of the most coveted skills for an employee. But unless you have had good, consistent feedback, participated in a 360 interview, or have colleagues who coach and “tell you like it is,” you may not develop it until it is too late. So think of a departure as a self-awareness exercise and ask yourself why you want to leave or why the company wants you to leave. Reflect on the circumstances that led you to this point and be honest with yourself as to what you could have done better or differently that may have led to another outcome. You probably won’t change your current situation, but you will have learned a very valuable lesson that will serve you longer term.

• Remove emotions. If you are leaving for a better opportunity, you may have a sense of inflated confidence; this could be more dangerous to you than the self-doubt that comes with being “let go.” In either case, treat your departure with a level head. Speak to the facts, keeping your feelings in check and conversations positive and forward looking. No one appreciates a boastful worker who bad-mouths the company he or she is leaving; it makes those who are staying feel uneasy and as if you are judging them. Your new supervisor will also mistrust you if you speak poorly of your prior employer—after all, he or she may be a future former employer as well. Keep your rationale or cause for departure honest, brief and fact based. Instead of saying that your last company did not appreciate you and did not know good talent when they saw it, say that you were looking for a new challenge in environment that valued the skills you bring to the table and that it was the right time for you to make a change. The end.

• Ask yourself how you would like to be treated if the situation was reversed, and act accordingly. The old saying of “what goes around, comes around” is more profound than it seems. No one likes a bad situation, and no one likes to deliver or receive bad news. Recognize that and filter your responses through that lens. I once had to fire an employee whom I valued and with whom I enjoyed working. But it was a decision orchestrated by higher levels and I was only the soldier who had to execute the order. The conversation could have gone a number of ways. I said all of the right things (sort of), but that moment was harder on me than on the recipient (at least it seemed that way). She, in turn, acted in the most sincere, mature, and professional manner. I actually envied her. She could have challenged and fought the decision, made the transition difficult, or poisoned other employees on her way out, but she didn’t. As a result, I gained respect for her and would not hesitate to recommend her or work with her in the future. She acted in the way I would like to, should the situation be reversed.

• Remember that your boss and co-workers from one company may surface in a future place of employment. This is one of those self-explanatory comments that goes without saying, but needs to be said anyway. I have had prior bosses rehire me and others whom I avoid at industry events. I prefer the former.

• Plan your departure. If you are leaving a job for a new career opportunity, it is totally understandable. Clearly, you knew you were going to do this in advance and have been working on your next move for a while. But take the initiative and have a conversion with your boss and co-workers. Ask them what they need you to focus on, and prepare a transitional binder of updates, status, contacts, etc. Recommend people who can absorb certain work temporarily and work just as hard on the days leading to your departure as you did on the days of your early hiring. You may be excited to start fresh somewhere else, but closing a clean chapter will create a much happier ending for all involved. If you are leaving the company involuntarily, treat the situation with respect and professionalism. Don’t act spitefully; simply organize your materials, offer work transition and delegation direction, and depart gracefully.

• Stay in touch. Make an effort to keep in touch with your managers and co-workers after you leave your place of employment. Ask them if you may use them as future references. Don’t be afraid to ask for advice and final feedback, and connect with them on LinkedIn so you can be an ongoing resource to them should a question or some other need arise down the road. Most of the time, they will not pursue this option, but it is a nice gesture and always appreciated. Even if you don’t leave on good terms, try to maintain a relationship. A sharp resignation letter that might give you short-term satisfaction may lead to regrets later on, when you are not able to reach out to former bosses or co-workers.

• Refrain from gossip and negativity about the situation. Remember that no matter how anxious you are to leave a company, someone else is equally excited about joining that same company. Don’t linger, don’t regurgitate the issues and shame the current staff, don’t act like the person you don’t want to be. Venting is normal, but it should not be part of your longer term transitional plan. Letting go is the key to moving on. When someone asks you about your prior employer, start with a kind thought and add your comments from there. Leave it at that. You are your own best reference–over time, the truth will be obvious. Your goal should be to want your new employer to ask “How could x let you go?” and for your former employer to ask “How could we have let you leave?” 

There are many other tips for getting through a transitional period and managing a career departure, but the basic lesson is to look at the people you admire and ask yourself how they would manage themselves and the situation. Think about how you want to be remembered and what you want others to say about you after you have left. Regardless of circumstance—being fired, quitting, or something in between–look forward, not back.