5 Deadly Body Language Mistakes That Could Be Hurting Your Career 

Most women know that crossed arms can send the wrong message at a meeting, but what you don’t know about body language could be undermining your status at work. Like it or not, your body speaks louder than your words. And your body language affects the impression you make as well as peoples’ response to you. As women we have diverse way of expressing ourselves and a unique set of strengths as well as challenges in the workplace. It’s important to convey power and effectiveness while maintaining an approachable, and relatable communication style. Striking the balance can be tricky in a competitive environment. Here are the 5 most common deadly mistakes to avoid along with their antidotes to help you show the best version of yourself.

1. Apologetic body language: This includes slouching, tilting your head to the side or folding your hands for extended periods of time. As women it’s a reflex action to try to look thin or small. Men on the other hand, instinctively try to make themselves look bigger, which can sometimes come across as overly aggressive. And when women try to shrink themselves in subtle, often unconscious ways, this can register in other peoples’ unconscious minds as weak, timid, ineffective or disengaged.

Power tip: Practice sitting in a neutral power position. Have your head centered above your neck, and your neck centered on your shoulders. Sit straight up, not leaning too far forward or back; nor too far to the left or the right. Sit with both feet flat on the floor if possible, giving your torso a strong foundation.

2. Disengaged body language: This could mean looking too serious, critical or judgmental…or even spaced out. Women are master multi-taskers. And you may be giving off the wrong signals without knowing it, simply by letting your mind wander for a few seconds. Additionally, sometimes when we are thinking seriously about a topic, it’s natural to purse our lips which can be misinterpreted by others as a frown.

I once coached a partner in a large law firm whose colleagues found her  hostile and unapproachable. The lowest hanging fruit was to begin with a smile. She began with a small, gentle smile in her meetings and expanded from there. While there were still other issues to address in her behavior, her smiling caused an immediate result. Colleagues were more receptive and less afraid of her in meetings.

Power tip: Practice keeping a slight smile on your face. Do this alone at first, so you can get comfortable with it. Smiling is very closely linked with positive chemical reactions in the brain. When the brain emits endorphins (feel good chemicals) we automatically smile; and vice versa. When we smile, it signals to the brain that there is something to be happy about, so the brain emits those same feel good chemicals. It’s a perfect example of fake it til you make it. It also signals to other people that you are confident, enthusiastic and engaged. Research studies show that when you are smiling, people are more likely to trust you, remember what you say and respond positively.

3. Fidgeting: This can include consistently adjusting clothes, clicking pens, fiddling with papers, smartphones and tablets. While this can feel natural to the person fidgeting, it can really undermine your message, image and gravitas. Fidgeting typically reflects a restless mind. People typically register it subconsciously as nervous, bored, dishonest or not fully present, even if that’s not the truth. If you think about the archetype of a leader, they are energetic but poised. They don’t waste energy on meaningless gestures. Every move is significant. And if you want to advance your career, or secure your position at work, you need to be perceived the same way.

Power tip: Steady your hands on the table or on your lap. It’s not a good practice to have your hands hidden for an entire meeting, but it’s fine for short periods of time. Sometimes holding a pen can help you still your hands. If you’re in the habit of bouncing your legs, keep your feet flat on the floor and engage your leg muscles, gently pushing down into the floor.

4. Looking the other way: Eye contact is the number one body language factor in creating and maintaining positive relationships with people. Too often in meetings both men and women look down at their notes and electronics for extended periods without looking up. We stare off into the distance during a presentation. Or we look around the room when someone else is talking and wonder why we feel disconnected. Looking into your eyes helps other people relate to you and trust you. Looking into someone else’s eyes engages them, giving them importance in the room and encourages their participation.

The less eye contact you have, the less likely you are to be trusted, understood or supported. Additionally, many men actually find it emasculating when women don’t look at them in a meeting, especially when they are speaking.

How you make eye contact is an art. I once coached an executive at a Fortune 500 firm who was up for a promotion to C-suite level. He read that making eye contact with every meeting participant was crucial. His attempts to look at all 50 people in the room in rapid succession, however, he had his eyes darting about the room making him look more suspicious than relatable to his audience. Now that’s something to avoid!

Power tip: Make it a point to look at everyone who speaks. While you don’t want to stare into peoples’ eyes, meet their gaze briefly and look away gradually, never abruptly.

If you are taking notes, look up now and then to make eye contact and nod or smile. Be the kind of listener you would want your colleagues to be for you.

5. Breathing out the wrong message: Your breath controls the other aspects of your body language. As the breath goes, so the body follows. When our breathing is too shallow, uneven or full of irritated sighs, it can trigger discomfort, fear or even agitation in the people around us. Think of the rapid, shallow breathing of a horrified victim in a horror movie, or someone in pain. To the primitive part of our brains, shallow breathing often appears weak, submissive and denotes someone who can easily be taken advantage of.

Power Tip: Breathe deeply from the belly to convey your strength, intelligence and appear more confident.

The biggest takeaway from these tips is that the body and mind are inextricably linked. They are in constant dialogue, so to speak, and affect each other deeply. We all know that as our mind relaxes, so does the body. And as you encourage your body to step into it’s natural state of relaxed power, your mind will also ease into a more relaxed, yet alert state where problem solving, creativity, sharp thinking and innovation are at your fingertips.