4 Inspiring Tips from Extraordinary Women on Conquering Self-Doubt and Self-Limitation  

You have just fallen off a boat and no one noticed. You can see the shore, but you don’t see another boat in sight. You don’t know how to swim, but you have watched people swim before, would you:

a. Try to swim to shore?
b. Tread water and hope someone showed up to rescue you?

You are a smart and resourceful woman. No way would you wait for help! You would learn to swim as if your life depended on it! Why, then, do some successful women sometimes become paralyzed with fear in a sea of self-doubt, waiting for someone to rescue them?

It happens to even the most successful women in the world. Although you might think that your skills pale in comparison with the women whose positions or lives you desire, it’s far more likely that you have become trapped by self-doubt and the self-limitation that accompanies it. Now is the time to swim as if your life depends on it.

Solicit no Advice 
“Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.” – Erica Jong, Author

Sometimes, we ask for advice in order to give ourselves excuses to keep from moving forward toward our heart’s desire. Deep down, you know that your job isn’t the right job for you or that your relationships would be better if you saw your therapist more to sort out a few things. Be your own counsel, listen to that tiny voice that says, “I want/deserve/need something more/different/better.” Pretend there isn’t a single other soul in sight of whom you can ask advice or assistance. Whether you choose to be happy or unhappy, work 60 hours per week or 40, marry or remain single; ultimately you choose just as surely as you would choose to sink or swim, live or die, if you fell off that imaginary boat.

Fray the Edges, Blur the Lines
“Don’t limit yourself. Many people limit themselves to what they think they can do. You can go as far as your mind lets you. What you believe, remember, you can achieve.” —Mary Kay Ash, founder Mary Kay Cosmetics

It’s true. We are limited by the things we think we cannot do or don’t know. We draw lines we convince ourselves we cannot cross. Fray the edges and blur the lines. Picture your goal, then picture the edges of the fabric of your life frayed and sprawling toward that goal. You don’t have to see exactly where it ends; you only need to believe that it reaches somewhere close to the target. When you get close, blur the line again and push past that too.

Don’t Question Why
“A bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.” —Maya Angelou, poet/author

You don’t need to know why you have wanted to own your own bakery for as long as you can remember, unless it motivates you to try harder to achieve that goal. Asking yourself “why” you wish to do or not do something calls your own rationale into question, creating self-doubt. It leaves you speculating as to what is a good enough reason to quit your “great” job to pursue a job that your heart desires but your mind cannot justify. Forget the why. Sing away.

Revel in Discomfort
“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” — Eleanor Roosevelt, former First Lady

To succeed at something that you have never done, or worse, master something at which you have failed numerous times, you have to stare down your worst fears. Learn to revel in the discomfort, so you can harness the energy produced during the encounter. Which terrifies you more, facing your boss to discuss compensation for the additional responsibilities you have taken on at work, or drowning in the sea of self-loathing because you continue to suck it up and work 20 extra hours a week with no pay increase?

Redefine Failure
“If you have made mistakes, even serious ones; there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down.” – Mary Pickford, Actress and Co-founder of United Artists

Sure, you failed. But what did you learn? Failure can feel like a 300-pound gorilla sitting on your chest. Suddenly, you’re fixed in one place, afraid to move for fear of being further crushed. Smack it, push it, tickle it if you have too, but force that gorilla to move along. Redefine failure. Don’t use your failures as an excuse to limit your forward motion. So what if your first business failed? Failure is not the end of anything; failure is the beginning of a new course of action. What did you learn from your experience? How will you apply that knowledge in a new direction? What gaps in your knowledge did you discover and where can you acquire that knowledge?

Today is the day you decide to swim like mad for the shore or to bob in the waves hoping for rescue. Don’t worry about the strokes–crawl, backstroke, or doggie paddle, if you must.