Tips on Using Relationship Advice on Ourselves for a Stronger and More Secure Self  

Learning what comprises a solid relationship – i.e. how two people can work through emotional and psychological struggles to build and sustain a strong, successful partnership — is really quite fascinating.  There is always a plethora of advice on the subject, from friends and family, TV, self-help books, and online: for example, a quick Google search yields guidance from hundreds of sources, including Cosmopolitan magazine and Reddit.

But amongst all the instruction and opinion, most people acknowledge, time and again, that there are a few tried and true tenets of successful relationships: love, communication, trust and vulnerability. However, just because it’s acknowledged that these are the ultimate Relationship Goals, doesn’t mean they’re easy to practice and apply to real-life situations.

And it doesn’t help that the relationships we see depicted in Hallmark movies don’t include a whole lot of reality — for one thing, nobody looks as perfectly perfect as those actresses and actors, and for another thing, nobody is that bad or that good at relationships! The point is: everyone could use a little down-to-earth help now and again when it comes to relationships.

So, it might be interesting to switch things up a bit regarding relationship advice. What if you took all those tips you’re encouraged to use for your romantic pursuits, and turned them back on you? How would that improve or strengthen the relationship you have with the person you see in the mirror each day?

Just as with romantic relationships, this probably won’t be easy, and there won’t be a magic elixir to make it all work.  But you should definitely learn something in the process!

The Four Features of a Healthy Relationship (Even with Yourself) 

Communication
Whenever relationship advice is given, this is almost always the piece of wisdom at the top of the list. And for good reason, since it’s important to know where you stand with someone at any given moment, and to share how you feel with them.

Change-it-Up Twist: Just as you would work on sharing your thoughts and feelings with a partner, you should remember to do the same with yourself. You know what makes you happy, sad, anxious or angry, and you owe it to yourself to keep that knowledge in mind for future reference.

Trust 
For many, it can be difficult to trust in your own abilities and strengths. What if you fail? Sometimes, it’s easy for a person to forget how successful they have been in the past, or that they don’t make a practice of letting themselves down over and over again — or that if they have, they caught themselves and worked very hard to make it right again.

Change-it-Up Twist: It’s important to remember that, just as a person believes and trusts a romantic partner’s words and actions, they should give themselves the same considerate chance and space to succeed – i.e. don’t count yourself out before allowing enough time, in your eyes, to prove yourself.  It also helps (enormously) if you know you can, in general, rely on yourself!

Vulnerability
For many individuals, it can be uncomfortable to acknowledge shortcomings, address fears or be less than perfect – either with a partner or via a stringent self-concept.  After all, no one likes to admit that they’re human. It can also be scary to really dare to dream, or speak out loud the truth of what we actually want out of life.

Change-it-Up Twist: Be truthful with yourself about both your shortcomings and your hopes. If we can’t be honest with ourselves, how can that kind of vulnerability be expected to be present in any other relationships, romantic or otherwise? Being vulnerable requires one to present a whole, flawed self; that’s no easy task, but it’s a gratifying one.

Love 
This one is oh-so important for obvious reasons in a romantic relationship, but it’s even more important to show ourselves love, too, through a variety of expressions – i.e. to remember to include self-compassion and kindness on a daily basis. Whether it’s the little things (like enjoying the perfect cappuccino and favorite song in the a.m.) or the bigger (like taking a trip that’s been on a bucket list forever), it’s important to care for body, mind and soul.  We are, as the famous commercial says, worth it.

Regardless of whether there’s a significant other in the picture in your life right now, focusing on the relationship we have with ourselves is also extremely important. So let’s take all that relationship advice that’s been heard before, and use it to make our own identities better and more secure, deep-down!  Or, as no less a successful female than Diane von Furstenberg has sagely noted: “When a woman becomes her own best friend, life is easier.”