Why Turning Down Work Projects Can Be Good for You and How to Still Lend a Helping Hand  

There’s one small word so many of us seem to have such a hard time saying: the tiny, two-letter word,  “no.”  Kids for the most part have no problem saying it!  And then saying it again even louder. Perhaps we can learn something from them.

As mature adults we certainly do not want to act like a spoiled brat saying “no.” However, it may be helpful to take into consideration the main reason kids can say “no” so easily and just walk away: besides the obvious reason of not wanting to do whatever it is, it’s likely because they have no problem with what people think about them, and are not worried about trying to make them happy. At that age, they just know what they want and don’t want.

As adults, of course, we take into consideration what people think – and so we should, since we do want people to like us, and more importantly, for society’s benefit, we should also want to help others if we can. But still, we should not let what others think about us be the defining reason we say “yes” when we really want — and need! — to say “no.”

Saying “No” Without Exuding Negativity

Too many of us try to be people-pleasers and agree to too many obligations — we want to make sure that everyone’s needs are met. But what about your own needs? It’s hard to find a happy medium, and this can be especially difficult at work. However, the truth is that you need to condition yourself to be less sensitive to other people’s commitments, and to be more aware of your own. You want to be able to find a balance.

And, in fact, saying “yes” can sometimes hurt you instead of helping your career: if you take on too much and aren’t able to complete the assignment, or to do it well, you might get a reputation of not being trusted or capable.

One good way to avoid this problem would be to take some time to think about any new responsibility   before agreeing. Consider whether you can feasibly get the task done in the timeframe needed. If not, ask if they can wait a few days for this. If not, then say no.  As hard as it might be to do this, you will not only feel relief after having done so, but also probably a sense of calm, realizing that you didn’t bite off more than you could chew.

Hints About Being Helpful to Co-Workers

So, you always want to be realistic about your work load; realize that the truth is that sometimes you truly can’t take on one more task — or you might explode! That said, it can be hard to say “no” — some of us may feel awkward, get upset, or think we have let others down. You also don’t want to become known a person who gives off a sour, disagreeable vibe at the workplace.

Solution: Focus on saying “no” in the best possible way. There are many ways of softening your refusal.

Here are some pointers for handling the situation in a sociable, gracious way:

• • • Have a conversation with the person requesting your help. You don’t need to make it a big conversation, just keep it brief.
    • However, do make sure to communicate directly with them; otherwise, they might just assume you’re saying “no” because you don’t want to help — when really it’s because you have a lot on your plate as is. I would also highly suggest not doing this over email. We all know how easily the tone of an email can be misconstrued.
    • Next, explain to the person requesting your input/help that you have a few projects that will take the rest of the week to complete, and ask for a deadline by which their project must be accomplished.
    • If the timeframe works within your schedule, then it would be okay to say yes. But if they are asking for it while you have other projects to finish up, then you know you have to be honest, and say no.
    • Then – and this is the important step — always try to find another way to help out.
    • If you can, offer to locate another colleague who could work on the project.  (The person asking for help may want you to do this; if not, at least you have shown you are willing to assist, even though you have said “no.”)
    • Another option: Find out if it’s possible for you to contribute on a smaller scale; you might not have time to work on an entire new project, but you might be able to contribute to a part of it.

Follow the steps above whenever possible; it may not be easy, but stand firm in your decision and know that you made the right decision for yourself.  You may have also made the right decision for your co-workers, particularly if you knew at the outset you couldn’t give the project your full attention – and thus might, in the end, let them down. A better (and wiser) option: trying instead to put real effort and care into ensuring the project moves forward in a productive way.