4 Tips to Cope with Loss When You Still Have to Go to the Office   

In corporate America, we make a point to always put our best foot forward. As hardcore professionals, we even question bringing aspects of our personal life into the workplace, and idioms like “business as usual” become daily mantras. So how do we keep it together at work while mourning the death of a loved one? Should we pretend everything is status quo?

The fact is — there is no “normal.” Everyone grieves differently, and experiencing a loss can make you feel like you have two identities: the grieving self and your old self. If you’ve recently experienced the loss of a loved one, here are a few suggestions on how to grieve while still making it through your 9-to-5. 

Be True to Yourself
If your loss is so pronounced that you’re contemplating withdrawing from daily life, then you should consider speaking to a counselor, medical professional, self-help group and/or religious institution. There should be no judgment in seeking outside help to deal with such a personal situation. We all have limits on how far we can go to help ourselves. It’s important to know that you’re never alone.  Just speak up, and help will find you.

Compassion at Work
Despite the negativity that sometimes captures our imagination, I believe most people are inherently good and will lend an ear, hug and/or support. When Sheryl Sandberg publicly addressed the loss of her husband, it was a total breakthrough on how we perceive powerful women during their times of need. Sheryl was flooded with support from colleagues, friends and complete strangers.

It’s perfectly acceptable to let your colleagues know that you’re going through a loss. Your colleagues can relate and will offer you solace. Even the most powerful people show emotion, and, in fact, leaders who show emotion tend to be perceived as creditable and inspiring. If you have any doubt about this, Stanford University has undertaken a study to research and discuss the beneficial role of compassion in the workplace, the results of which were published in 2015 in the Harvard Business Review.

Give Yourself a Break
Working long hours while dealing with family and other priorities is challenging enough, but combine that with a loss of a loved one, and it can all seem insurmountable. Be kind to yourself and give yourself a mental health break. Many companies have bereavement policies in place that may cover 1-3 days off or longer.  So consider taking some time off if that is an option for you.

On the other hand, getting back in the swing of things as soon as you can — reveling in action and being present in life – can help with the coping process as well. Yet another suggestion for getting through the toughest moments at work is by taking mini-breaks throughout the day – for example, stepping away from your desk for fifteen minutes to take a walk. While strolling, you may consider making a mental list of how much your loved one meant to you, embrace the gratitude you feel for having their presence in your life, remember moments from your interactions, or replay funny moments in your mind. Memories have a way of keeping your loved one near even when, energetically, they’ve moved on.

Change your Life
Emotional events like death tend to put the mundane aspects of life into perspective. Suddenly spirituality or religion may become more appealing or we begin to appreciate moments with loved ones more deeply. Sometimes the passing of a loved one has a funny way of showing you how you’re in the right professional environment — or that possibly you’re not, and it’s time to move on.

Why would this become more crystal-clear after a devastating event like the death of someone you loved? During challenging times like grieving, work can feel either like a place of refuge, or a place of purgatory. You’ll know fairly quickly. And if your current work culture doesn’t align with your personal values and it can’t respect the grieving process, then, combined with any other unfavorable aspects, your loved one’s death may be the nudge you need to find the right employer for you.