5 Tips for Carefully Navigating the More Awkward, Tricky Aspects of Asking People for Help in Your Career  

The dreaded word: “Networking.” There are those who seem to do this task naturally, while others do it because they are “supposed” to.  In any case, networks are clearly important, since there are literally thousands of articles about them, and, of course, there are businesses dedicated to helping people build, maintain, and use their networks effectively.  Moreover, in 2010, the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics found that 70% of jobs were found through networking.  But it can be uncomfortable to build your network – so as someone who is often called a “natural networker,” I’d like to share some secrets and advice.

To begin: I have two good friends looking for jobs right now, and it’s been interesting to watch how they approach the same situation.  We’ll call one Joe and one Jane.  Joe asked to set up time with me to just grab coffee.  In the natural course of our conversation, he said, “I think I’m just ready for the next step.  I’m looking outside my current company and am actually thinking of moving to the West Coast.  I’m struggling to figure out what I do to find the right role.  Do you have any ideas?”

When I had coffee with Jane, I already knew her job was being eliminated, and she had been having trouble finding a new role.  I asked how things were progressing and what I could do.  She told me where she was putting her efforts and what successes she had found so far, but she didn’t ask for help.

I attribute their contrasting approaches not only to differences in personality, but also in their attitudes toward networking.  Even in reading these two examples (which really happened, within a week of each other!), you can see two distinct views toward networking. Joe is using his connections in all the right ways.

Think About Why You’re Building a Network
We all have biases, challenges, and mental blocks when it comes to networking. But even if you’re an introvert, not comfortable with just opening up to others, or feel awkward when you’re introduced to someone, you can still network effectively. The secret is to step back from the process, and mull over some of its more basic aspects that pertain very specifically to you.

For instance, the advice I got early on was, “Networks are important.”  But no one ever told me why.  Without purpose, it’s hard to do anything — especially build relationships. There are lots of reasons why your network can be useful.  It can help you find a new job, obviously; but it can also help you persuade people (in and outside your company), increase sales, support charities you’re involved with, acquire information, and get work done.

So, think about what your primary needs are now and for the next year.  For instance:

• • • Are you getting ready to start a big project at work?
    • Are you finding it hard to “find the right person” in your company?
    • Are you trying to raise awareness for your charity?

Your needs will change over time, but knowing how you might use your network can help you tailor new connections and focal areas.  For example, you can look for industry-specific conferences that will allow you to meet experts to whom you can turn for advice on a new project.

That said, let me add a word of warning here: you don’t want to be the person who is constantly thinking “What’s in it for me?  How can I use you?”  Instead, the suggestion here is about understanding how your network can be useful — and then building it with purpose.

Networking Knowledge: The point is, you can build relationships with people because you like them — and of course you should do that (it’s called “making new friends”!) — but at the same time also be aware of when/how you might call them up for advice, connections, or help.

Find the “Connectors” in Your Life
Think about your colleagues and friends in terms of their connections.  Different types of connections are important to help you gather diverse perspectives, but some are more helpful to have in your network than others.

You’ll find that there are two types of people: those with deep relationships and those with broad relationships.  You’ll recognize the connectors because they probably don’t know the right person; however, they’ll always know someone who knows someone. They will probably be eager to introduce you to a friend who can help.  They often hear about things going on in other departments.  They have lunch with a different person every day.  They always “know a guy”.  So while sometimes it can feel awkward to ask for an introduction, you may find that if you’re friendly with a connector, you don’t have to do a lot of work — they’ll make introductions for you!

Networking Knowledge: Remember – connectors generally enjoy making introductions, so just ask nicely and with purpose.  For example, “Mary, you used to work in the nonprofit space; do you have any suggestions of people I could reach out to as I explore opportunities to join a board?”

Make your Introductions Impactful
There’s some great advice in this article about getting an introduction moving in the right direction.  But ultimately, the simplest advice is best: be yourself.  And then, beyond being yourself, have something interesting to say about yourself.  It’s always astounding to me that some people can’t tell their “story” in a few sentences.  Prepare your story.  Lay out the facts of your career or project or whatever is relevant to this process.  Then figure out how to say it in a way that’s engaging.

For example, I could tell you, “I’ve been in consulting and the airline industry.”  Or I can tell you, “I have a passion for driving change, which I’ve done as a consultant and in the airline industry.” What is your usual response when someone asks you what you do?  “I work in Finance” doesn’t open up the conversation much.  What if instead you said, “I help my company make strategic decisions from an analytical lens”?

Networking Knowledge: Try explaining your role in terms of its value or output, rather than department or title.

Get to Know People as People
After your introduction, try to get to know your network at a deeper level.  Start by asking questions when you meet someone new.  We all start with “Are you from the area?” “What do you do?”… and then we’re often out of questions.

So try this: ask about their history, current motivators, and future hopes (past, present, future — easy, right?).  Examples: “How did you get into that role?”  “What do you love about working at Smith Corp?”  “What does success look like for this project?” You’ll discover a greater level of conversation, gaining a layer of depth that will build stronger relationships, with easier maintenance over time.

For those who are a little shy or get flustered in the moment (hey, we’ve all been there), have some go-to questions that you can tweak for nearly any situation, and be ready to ask follow-up questions. The Harvard Law School website provides this handy list, or, for more casual, breezy suggestions, not completely business-focused, Forbes offers these openers.

Make your Relationships about Helping
Next, Remember why you’re spending energy developing relationships strategically.  It’s normal to say, “Well, Bob, as I mentioned in my email, I’m excited about the possibility of our companies partnering on this project.  Can you help me brainstorm ways we might get this off the ground?”  Don’t beat around the bush.  Just ask for their help.  Joe did a great job of doing this in my example above.  Note that Joe didn’t say, “Can you help me find a job?”  Instead, he asked me for my ideas to help him think through it.  Be tactful in what, and how, you ask for help.

Asking for help is not a sign of weakness.  It’s a sign of intelligence.  No one can do everything alone.  Knowing where you need help is a sign of leadership.

The other side of this coin is offering help.  How can you help them?  Perhaps it’s by being a connector yourself (“I know someone who’s an expert in this space — may I connect you two?”) or by sharing a piece of information (“I recently heard a bit about this project, which may be helpful”).  If you don’t know how you can help, ask!  Say, “I’d love to help you out on this — what can I do?”  Often, people don’t know — but if they do, then you’ve started to solidify that relationship!

Sure, building your network can be intimidating.  But ultimately, if you know why you’re doing it, who to build relationships with, and how to make an impression, it will be much easier.  You never know where those relationships will take you — but one thing is for sure: if you help your network, it will help you!