Should You, or Shouldn’t You Date a Colleague at Work and If So, How?  

I’m married to someone I met in the workplace. I never meant for it to happen, as I’ve never been a believer in workplace relationships — but as my boss at the time (thankfully) said to me when I told him I was dating someone from work: “You can’t dictate the affairs of the heart.” And I never would’ve believed that until I fell utterly and hopelessly in love. However, while my relationship ended in marriage, there are many colleagues of mine whose relationships didn’t end well, and some who had a lot of drama, which damaged people’s careers.

First and foremost, the workplace should not be viewed as a dating pool.  There are many other ways to meet people and those should be sought, long before thinking about dating someone from work. Nevertheless, if that scenario does occur, here are some things to keep in mind:

• Ensure that this person does not also report to the same manager as you, and/or that the person is not your boss, or your boss’s boss.  This adds complications that are very difficult to resolve and typically these are the ones that end up in drama that affect ones career.
• If you and a person from work decide to go on a date, don’t tell anyone.  Keep it private.  You don’t want to have a reputation for dating people at work, as you want people to think of your work and career focus.
• If the date goes well and you decide to continue dating, keep it private until you’re ready to tell your boss. Your boss should hear about the relationship from you (and your date’s boss from your date), not through the gossip mill.

In order to continue to be taken seriously from a career perspective, be responsible this way.  Let your boss know that the relationship will not jeopardize your work or your career and that if anyone sees you and your partner together, they won’t know that you’re dating, as you are not looking to draw attention to your relationship.

Also, if you’re friends with people at work on Facebook, don’t post pictures of your dates, don’t post that you’re in a relationship – rather, keep it on the down-low for as long as possible.  Again, the goal is to focus on your work, not your relationship.  This seems hard because if it were someone from outside of work, you’d post everything, but balancing your career and your professional reputation with a dating relationship at work is tricky – thus, the more maturely you handle it, the better that the management team will view you.

As a side note, I recall a situation where a male senior executive had a relationship with a female executive and while they kept it private for the most part, word got out.  The rumor mill spread, and unfortunately, it was said that he liked to focus on women more than work, and she was viewed as weak because she was involved with him.  Both of their reputations were tarnished from this relationship, so be very careful who you get involved with and maintain your professionalism. Focus on work above all else.

If you break-up at any point in time, no one should know and/or see any disruption in your work or in your interaction with your former date.  You’re both adults and it’s critical that you handle the personal situation as professionally as possible.  This too will help your reputation.

Another side note, I recall a situation where a VP and a Director dated and it was kept private until they decided to do private things at work, after hours.  The security cameras caught it and of course HR got wind of it and both the VP and Director ended up losing their jobs.  Imagine explaining in a job interview why you lost your last job… So, again, maintain your professionalism at work at all times.

If you end up getting married, congratulations, again it shouldn’t become work fodder but of course at this point it’s ok to make the relationship public so long as it again doesn’t interfere with your work.

It’s true that you cannot dictate affairs of the heart but there is a fine line between personal and professional and managing ones reputation and career.  Proceed with caution if you do have a relationship with a colleague and most importantly keep it out of the workplace as long as possible.