How to Recognize and Deal with Office Bullies that Didn’t Outgrow their Playground Antics 

 According to a Workplace Bullying Institute’s 2014 study, 27% of American workers surveyed reported that they had either been bullied by either a coworker or a boss or were currently being bullied. Bullying is defined as abusive conduct that is “threatening, intimidating, humiliating, work sabotage or verbal abuse.”

Fifty-sex percent of the abuse was perpetrated by bosses, while 31 percent of coworkers were the abuser. Although both males and females bully, women bully other women 68 percent of the time.

Bullies are often easy to recognize in the classroom or on the playground. Bullies use unwanted, sometimes aggressive behavior to capitalize on a real or perceived imbalance of power to get what they desire. On the school playground, a bully might use physical strength or embarrassing information.

Especially during October, National Bullying Month, newspaper headlines detail the short and long-term effects of childhood bullying. But, what happens when the bully grows up and doesn’t outgrow the behavior? Can you recognize an office bully when you see one? Have you been bullied without being able to put a name to it?

Are you Being Bullied?

• Are you physically ill at the very thought of going to work? Monday looming should not be cause for vomiting or feelings of utter dread.
• Does it feel like something in the galaxy is conspiring against you at work? Did you miss a deadline that you swear your boss must have changed at the last minute and not alerted you to? Did your supervisor or a coworker fail to do their part, and consequently, your part of the project looks like a failure? Mistakes happen, but repeated “mistakes” might be a sign that someone is working hard to keep you from succeeding.
• Do you get excluded from team meetings or work lunches (and are told it was an oversight)? Does it feel reminiscent of the middle school cafeteria?
• Do you submit competent or superior work that is strongly criticized by one individual? Constant criticism can be a form of bullying.
• Does your boss or a coworker yell at you or belittle you in front of others? Your boss should certainly know to discuss any issues he or she has with your performance in a private setting, not in a weekly meeting with your colleagues. Frequent, in-your-face screaming is definitely a sign that you are dealing with a bully.
• Has someone spread rumors or lies about you at the office? This type of covert bullying might be harder to recognize, or prove, but it is real.

Once you recognize that you are being bullied at work, you can do something about it. You face a difficult decision; should you stand up for yourself and make the bullying stop, or terminate your employment and find greener pastures?

If this is a new position or new company, it is possible that bullying behavior is part of the company climate that wasn’t evident during the hiring process. If you are being bullied at work and you intend to stay at this company, you need to protect yourself before the stress takes a toll on your physical or mental health.

5 Tips for Handling an Office Bully

1. Keep Records
Document each incidence of bullying in a log with the date, time, description and list of any bystander/witnesses to the incident. Make copies of written correspondences and emails from the bully that support your case or that demonstrate the bully’s behavior. If you file a complaint, you will need evidence to make your case. Bullying follows a pattern of behavior, it is not a one-time occurrence when someone had a bad day. You want to establish that there is a pattern. Keep your records where they will be secure and free from possible tampering.

If your bully tends to belittle you over the telephone, you might be able to record your conversations without alerting the bully. Some states allow for only one party to know that a conversation is being recorded. Many offices records phone calls as a matter of course. If yours does, document the date, time and the particulars of the call.

2. Call out the Bully
Speak up at the time the bullying occurs. It may seem uncomfortable or out of place to interrupt a meeting to correct a coworker’s bad behavior, but you take down the bully when you steal his or her thunder. If the comment or behavior is out of line, say so immediately. This tells the bully, and the rest of the company, that they messed with the wrong woman. Stay calm and face that over-grown playground bully.

3. Converse with Your Colleague or Boss
Initiate a conversation with the person you believe is bullying you. Tell them specifically the behavior that bothers you and why. Speak about specific incidences, not generalities. Request that they stop the behavior. Allow the bully time to respond. It is possible that your boss or coworker did not realize their behavior was coming across differently than they intended. If the behavior continues, however, it is time to file a formal complaint.

4. Consult with a Trusted Advisor
If you have given the bully an opportunity to fix the situation, but the bullying continues, it is time to meet with a trusted advisor at the company who can help solve the problem.  In most cases, you will start with your direct supervisor. Meet privately with him or her to make them aware of the situation and to find out what your next step is. If your supervisor is the problem, you may need to meet with a senior manager or with your HR department.

5. File a Formal Complaint
If direct discussions and calling out the office bully have failed, you will probably have to file a formal complaint within your company. This is where your meticulous documentation will come in handy. You want to spell out for the company exactly what inappropriate behavior has happened and when, how you handled it, whom you have previously made aware of the situation, and what did or did not change as a result.

If the bully, the supervisor or the company have failed to improve the situation or flat-out didn’t try to make changes on your behalf, you may have grounds for a lawsuit. It is possible that the bullying behavior has crossed legal boundaries if the situation is dangerous or discriminatory and the company has not taken action.

All Business – The Best Approach

You are entitled to work in a safe environment, which includes protection from coworkers that make your work life a living hell and cause you mental or physical pain. Talking with your superiors about your emotional stress or your feelings, might, no matter how empathetic the supervisor, fall on deaf ears. Business people deal best with data and the bottom line.

Instead, approach your boss with the costs to the company in lost time if you are physically ill, lost revenue if your direct supervisor fails to sign off on a project in time, and lost hours when you had to re-do a project because the parameters changed on a whim.

One Final Note… Bystanders

As with playground bullying, there are always three participants involved: the victim, the bully and the bystanders who do nothing to stop the bullying. If you have witnessed bullying, or suspect that someone at the office is being bullied, do not stand by. Stand up. Be the voice for someone who cannot find the words. Office bullying often creates a stressful environment for the bystanders, as well as the victim. We all deserve a happier, healthier, and more productive place to spend our work days.