Developing Our Strengths as Women to Become Comfortable and Skillful Sponsors 

Why does sponsoring a junior colleague seem natural for many men in the workplace, but unnatural and difficult for many women? Perhaps it is because we have seen more male than female sponsors, and we recognize that their way isn’t necessarily ours.

Like any skill, sponsoring can be learned. We can improve over time, and we can have a meaningful impact on our workplace and our industry by choosing to develop and use this skill for the benefit of our qualified protégés. But first, we must change our definition of sponsorship so that we are more comfortable doing it.

Consider sponsorship as:

• Helping rather than selling. One of the reasons sponsorship can feel false to women is that, when we’ve seen men working to advance their male protégés, it has struck our ears as “selling” that protégé–something we don’t typically do, even for ourselves. We’ve all had things, services, and people sold to us as exactly what we need, and we’ve learned, often by bitter experience, that it may not be what we want at all. If we reframe our definition of sponsorship, though, as using whatever influence we have to both improve our profession and help a qualified protégé advance, it becomes much easier and feels much more natural. By adopting the mindset that you are showing other leaders the helpful skills and potential you see in your protégé, as well as helping that protégé catch the right manager’s eye, you can develop thoughtful strategies for moving that person through the right doors. 

• Giving a gift rather than incurring a debt. Many of us have been in meetings where a male colleague casually agrees to advance another’s project in exchange for a favor to be named later. We hear “I owe you one” again and again. And make no mistake; the favor owed will be collected. Women have seen many quid pro quos in our lives, and we don’t like them. The favor owed can develop into an obligation that makes us uncomfortable or unhappy, and we find ourselves regretting the whole thing. In place of a deal-making mindset, many women are more comfortable promoting their protégés through a gifting mindset. If we advance a protégé by encouraging other leaders to see that advancement as a win for themselves, too, then there is no sacrifice on their part, and no corresponding debt for us. If we can show that our protégé’s strengths and qualifications can help another leader solve a problem in his own world, then he will not see advancing the protégé as a favor to us, and we will owe him nothing. He may even feel that he owes us for solving his problem. This is the best form of sponsorship for all concerned–this kind of thoughtful sponsorship seeks to advance everyone by putting well-qualified people in higher positions.

Once we understand what sponsorship can look like, and accept that we can approach it differently from our male colleagues, we can tap into our unique strengths and become even more adept and effective sponsors than the men in our field.

For example, our tendency to continue to monitor the progress of our protégés long after they have left the mentoring nest helps us to ensure their continued success and involvement in the company’s advancement. It seems that men, on the other hand, may be glad to acknowledge their protégés’ successes, but are less willing to admit any connection to that person’s missteps. Because we are likely to maintain our relationship with our protégés, we help them to succeed which, in turn, helps the company, as well. Employees who continue to achieve lead to increasing success for the employer, a win-win for all involved.

Some may argue that gender-differentiated styles of management should not be encouraged, because they can widen the gaps among different groups. But I believe the contrary is true: acknowledging and tapping into diverse perspectives on every aspect of business can only strengthen our industries and professions. There is more than one way to mentor, to sponsor, to work, and to thrive, and recognizing this frees each of us to play to our strengths and help one another even more.

Women sponsors may relate to their protégés differently from men, but our engagement from start to finish can lead to success for both the junior woman and the firm. We need to become comfortable with our own natural sponsorship style, and then use it to help our protégés, our employers, and ourselves.