How to Respond to Negative Feedback in a Positive Way

Have you ever walked into your boss’s office expecting a regular touch-base meeting, only to find out that it’s a meeting to discuss negative feedback a co-worker gave about you, and that you don’t agree with the feedback? Were you hurt by it? Were you worried that the comments could negatively impact your reputation and career within the company? Were you shocked by the co-worker who provided the feedback? Did you wonder what to do?

These initial feelings are absolutely normal. Despite what many may say, feelings and feedback go hand in hand. How you respond to feedback, whether or not you agree with it, is extremely important. The key word in the previous sentence is “respond.” You should respond to the feedback and not react to it. There is a major difference between the two words. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, respond means “to show favorable reaction” and react means “to move or tend in a reverse direction.” Simply put, responding is positive and reacting is negative. It’s important to respond to unfavorable feedback; it can help you progress in your career and show your co-workers that you value their input.

So, how can you address allegations without jeopardizing your career or being considered emotional? Step back, take several deep breaths, and dissect the situation using the DART method:

Deal with your feelings. Immediately after hearing the feedback, do not say or do anything. Your first reaction may be to start defending yourself, but avoid doing that. Maintain your composure and kindly–although this may be difficult, especially after getting the wind knocked out of you with the news–ask the individual to tell you when and where the behavior was observed, so that you can fully understand the situation. It’s also a good idea to ask the person delivering the news if he or she has observed this same behavior from you at any point. Thank the person for sharing the information with you and tell him or her that you will follow up after you’ve had a chance to process it. When you are away from the office, deal with your personal emotions. If it means calling a friend, crying, working out, etc., do what’s needed; then regain your composure. Lastly, refrain from confronting the individual who may have shared the negative feedback, if you find out who it is. When your emotions are high, it’s not in your best interest to talk with that person right away. Allow yourself a couple of days before addressing the feedback to avoid saying or doing anything that could be regrettable later.

Ask for feedback from your personal board of directors. Contact your network, also called your personal board of directors. These are trusted individuals, such as sponsors, mentors and close colleagues, whom you can confidentially share the feedback with to get their guidance and thoughts. And, most importantly, these individuals will be honest with you. The meetings with your PBD do not have to be formal. They could be as simple as a quick phone call. Take notes, and determine if additional follow-up discussions are necessary. From these conversations, you may learn something new about yourself and receive targeted coaching on how to more effectively handle the “witnessed situation” in the future.  Note: This is why part of the first step – Deal – is to ask when and where the behavior was witnessed.

Reflect on the information provided by your PBD. Review your meeting notes and reflect on the discussions. Do you find commonalities? Did your PBD make comments that support the criticism you received? Did your feelings about the feedback change after your PBD meetings? Do you think there is truth to the feedback now? Objectively process all the information you’ve gathered. This self-reflection step is the most important in the process, because it’s the most difficult. You must be truthful with yourself.

Take action on your feedback. Determine what action, if any, should be taken. Most likely, one of three things may happen:

• The feedback was true. Patterns were revealed in the “reflect” step and self-development is needed in the identified area. This outcome is humbling, but it demonstrates that your PBD team truly cares for you and wants you to be the best person you can be.
•  The feedback was true, but it was a one-time occurrence. Confronting the person who made the negative comments to explain why you acted as you did may resolve the situation. This outcome is a reminder that someone is always observing and it’s important to be mindful of your behavior at all times.
• The feedback was not true. If this is the case, the comments can be disregarded. This outcome is relieving, but it is a strong reminder that, while you cannot control the actions of others, you can control your own, so continue to be confident and mindful of everything you do.

The next time you are criticized at work, take a step back from the situation and use the DART method to respond positively to the negative feedback.