7 Personal and Professional Development Lessons I Learned from Being a Mother  

One of the greatest joys in my life has been watching all three of my children grow from tiny, dependent babies into the strong, capable men they are today. Throughout each life stage, I’ve changed with them and learned so many invaluable lessons. Now with my middle child headed off to college soon, I’m faced with another transitional moment, distancing myself from the primary role of the mother who controls and structures my son’s life, to the mother who now supports and influences his own choices.

Parents want the best for their children, and by necessity they are the ones who make the important choices when it comes to education, nutrition, extracurricular activities, etc. when children are young. But as children grow, it’s important for parents to grow with them and guide them to make their own choices within reason. For example, every parent can relate to the age-old question, at what age should you get your child a phone? My husband and I debated whether to allow our middle son to get one when he was 14 years old. Ultimately, acknowledging the technology and the times we agreed, but turned it into an opportunity to connect with him on his terms, through Snapchat. Now we talk every day and share experiences instantly with each other from all over the world; the good it’s provided has certainly outweighed our initial reservations.

This experience illustrates how parents often struggle recognizing that children’s decisions are sometimes different from those adults would make. However, it’s important to recognize that children’s decisions aren’t wrong; they’re just different. Parents are programmed biologically to protect their children from harm, and on a higher level, from failing. But failure is often a far better teacher than any advice imparted to them. The adage, “There’s no substitute for experience” holds true, both when developing personally and professionally.

When developing professionally, one of the hardest lessons for a person who is passionate about her work is to let go and trust her team members. Experience is the greatest tool for success in a career, and as a leader it’s important to provide opportunities for growth. A huge lesson I learned in my professional career was to leave important decisions to direct reports, employees whose position is directly below that of the leader, while out of the office. The leader’s absence becomes a great professional-development opportunity for the second in command to exercise her leadership skills. Just as parents have to step back and let their children make choices in order to grow, a good leader provides those who have limited experience an opportunity to grow as well. Upon leaving, the leader should clearly communicate to everyone that the second in command has decision-making authority, therefore empowering her to drive the department in the leader’s absence. Communicating this support is important to reiterate trust for the individual as well as the team’s capabilities. Trusting the team to make good decisions is paramount; however, if a decision leads to a negative outcome, the second in command can work with the team to rectify it.

Here are a few tried and true tips on stepping back and becoming a guiding support in both your personal and professional roles.  The guidelines are equally useful for growing with your kids and your team, enabling both to be successful:

• Lead by example. Instill the values you hold important. Because you can’t anticipate every issue or make every decision, this allows others to draw upon their character, values and ideals to make decisions on their own.
• Set boundaries that give people the freedom to grow without fear of reprisal. Opportunities for growth benefit all.
• Trust them once you’ve taught them.  There’s more than one right decision. Without trust, communication and collaboration suffer. Trust creates transparency, empathy and enhances the ability to achieve a common goal.
• Fail fast. Recognize when something isn’t working and act quickly to change it.
• Embrace the experience gained from failures as this will accelerate learning.
• Support them. At times, parents may think they provide support through warning or direction, but it’s important to remember that in the professional world, a person who feels appreciated will always do more than what’s expected. Oftentimes, support as a parent is just that, appreciating a job well done.
• Listen, think and value feedback. At every stage in life and career, there are always lessons to be learned from others.

Personal and Professional growth will occur when distancing one’s self from the primary leadership position at times. This time away will allow invaluable lessons to be learned through experiences that will instill confidence and success in those you lead.