3 Tried-and-True Tips to Deflect a Colleague’s Pessimistic, Distracting Work Style  

As wise elders have said: “Stay away from negative people. They have a problem for every solution.” However sometimes, staying away is not an option. Especially if you are dealing with a negative colleague with whom you have to interact daily.

I was in just such a situation in my very first job. I found it very difficult to cope up with one particular team member. She would usually start her day with a negative complaining remark about anything — from the bad weather, to the uncontrollable traffic on the roads, lack of infrastructure in the city, or a “terrible” office coffee machine, etc. On the rare day when she found no external factors to complain about, her radar would turn towards the rest of the team members, including me:

• “Oh, you look so sick and tired. Don’t you eat a good breakfast before coming to work?”
• “Did you hear that X is trying to lose weight? It would do her some good!”

Gossip, complaints, and unkind remarks comprised her favorite conversations. I and most of my other team members were frustrated with her, since her negativity would completely suck everyone’s energy, enthusiasm and productivity.

Looking back, I remember trying a few different techniques to deal with this individual. Since then, I have mulled over and realized what worked, and what did not. Here are three of my lessons for you, if you are ever in a similar situation: 

1. Explain Your Boundaries, Plus those of Other Staff Members, to the Offending Colleague

The first step is to identify where you draw the line and set boundaries — and then make them known. When you feel that a colleague is spreading negativity in your team by his (or her) conversations and actions, don’t feel pressured to put up with it, thinking it will pass away. In fact, this will only make you feel more stressed.

Instead, remember that it is not your responsibility to solve everybody’s every problem, and this is a workplace, not home life. So when someone complains, gossips, or plays the victim, etc., you can walk away without feeling guilty. It is a way of protecting yourself from negativity seeping into you, being absorbed into your psyche, and distracting you from work.

Therefore, let your difficult colleague know, respectfully, that you will not participate or encourage unproductive conversations. For example, if you think that a team member is constantly raining down on staff morale via his or her pessimism, invite that individual for a one-on-one chat and explain gently what is going on, and why it is harmful for the team. Sometimes a little honest feedback is all that is required to save the day.

2. Don’t Offer Advice. Just Listen. Silently

When someone starts complaining without reason, our instinctive reaction is to give them advice. I used to do this too, hoping that the other person would stop talking and listen to my wise words.  However, it did not work. Negative people usually argue back as to why your suggestions are not applicable, and lace the conversation with further comments and grumbles. Your attempt to stop the discussion will only fuel it further.

A better strategy, which worked for me, was to listen quietly for a minute or so and then say nothing. Silence is very powerful in situations like these.

For example, if my colleague said, “The pollution in the city is getting so pathetic,” I would listen, make eye contact and say, “Oh! Hmm.” And then get back to my work without offering a single word or any solution. Eventually she stopped telling me what was so wrong with everything and everybody around her.

3. Be Careful with Your Exit Phrase

Looking back, one of my mistakes in dealing with difficult team members was to sugarcoat my   words while exiting a conversation with them:

• “Oh, I would love to sit and chat, but I have to finish this presentation this afternoon.”

It was as if I felt guilty about not standing around to gossip and rant, and was apologizing for leaving. Be careful not to fall into this trap! Such a sentence sends a subconscious signal to the perpetrators that you wouldn’t mind the discussion if you had more time. Hence, they will try to find a better time to launch into their spiel.

Instead, when you want to show your clear disinterest for negative talks, try using one of these phrases:

• “I can see that you are upset about XYZ. Have you tried talking to the manager? I am not the     best person to help you or give advice. Anyway, I better get back to my report…”
• “The bad weather really gets to you, doesn’t it? We all have our pet peeves, I suppose. Anyway, hope you feel better soon. I must finish this task at hand…”

I have come to understand that, as long as we live, we will likely always come across people who will complain, gossip, discourage, doubt and generally take the light out of life. Solution?  Remember that the best way to deflect this darkness is to glow brightly from within.