Why Vulnerability Should Have Its Place as Well  

In order for businesswomen to maintain career goals and prove themselves in a testosterone filled workplace, sometimes the softer side – what some may consider the valuable, primal core of the feminine nature – gets shunted aside. We often forget that this softer side needs to be shown to the world at large, and not just in our personal lives. In order to create true connection, intimacy and happiness, it’s worth considering how this side can be strengthened and displayed more at work.

Independence and vulnerability are not necessarily related: some women insist that they are so independent they don’t need anybody and that they can simply do it for themselves, whatever the task or need may be.

The truth of the matter, however, is that we are all interconnected and we all need people, just as we need air. And in the throes of vulnerability, interdependence can take form. 

Strength and Vulnerability: What is the Connection?

It’s fairly easy to appear strong and without needs. We are quite used to the idea of putting on a brave face and moving through life. We often believe that we should never open up too much, be vulnerable or show our true selves in fear that we will become undesirable.

So the thought process becomes that it is in our strengths that we feel we can protect ourselves from abandonment, pain and betrayal. We often hide parts of our lives, our pasts and our personal breakthroughs from men. In fact, however, it can take more strength and courage to be vulnerable than it can to preside over a board meeting full of executives!

As children, many of us have been told that it was wrong express our opinions, grievances or feelings. Having always been told to quiet down, shush up or stop crying, women are often confused about what is appropriate to convey and what could possibly scare away prospective suitors. We fear that if our partners knew our true selves that they would hit the road in hopes of finding a much cooler lover. But it’s important to recognize that it is powerful to be vulnerable, to let others in and to be completely truthful about our feelings, thoughts and desires. 

Showing a Genuine Side is Always Appealing 

Confidence is our number one mating call, and it can attract almost anyone if shown truthfully and fearlessly. There is no shame in admitting our insecurities, our sadness or our pain. In fact, opening up and admitting our inner struggles by being vulnerable displays huge amounts of confidence. Additionally, feelings that are true and genuine carry an energy with them that can’t be overrun by faking being strong and confident.  Think about it: the closest people to us always know when we are putting up a front.

No human being is problem-free, and the moment we want to appear perfect, we weaken our core. When we do this, we are not being authentic, which quickly becomes noticeable, consciously of not. So although we might all like to think we have the ability to conceal our thoughts about who we are, and what we feel, the truth of the matter is that we are all so transparent that we may as well be glass statues!

How Self-Esteem Affects The Ability to be Vulnerable 

Not surprisingly, the lower our self-esteem, the bigger our need to hide our vulnerability. If we have a self-worth that is afflicted with pain, we are afraid of being abandoned (due to our  perceived neediness) by another human being—especially a man. But men want to be our heroes. They thrive on making us happy and look forward to saving the day. Don’t get me wrong; our partners appreciate our independent, ambitious, business side, but just not seven days a week. So understand that there is a spectrum to the strong and vulnerable sides of your personality that is appropriate to share.

Being open may initially seem scary, because we feel naked, and that any outside force can harm and judge us – but there is a confidence that comes with allowing ourselves to open up and reveal painful secrets and deep personal issues. It shows that we are not afraid of what others will think. 

Intimacy’s Lasting Gift: Interdependence  

In order to achieve true intimacy, we have to be vulnerable to the ones we seek the most connection. We will never find the “in love” feeling we seek if we are only showing how strong, capable and independent we are. So while many men will shy away from a woman who is nothing if not needy, they will also retreat from someone who insists on projecting a superwoman image twenty-four hours a day, because eventually they will feel inadequate in her shadow.

When we share ourselves intimately with our partners, the other person has more of a desire to share as well. Mutual vulnerability leads to a lasting connection, interdependence, honesty and trust. It is our nature to be open and share ourselves intimately with others, but as career-minded women, we can easily forget that we have much more to offer than just our strength and intellect. Opening up means risking it all, but the resulting connection is well worth the ride.