Tips for Giving and Receiving Criticism Effectively at Work   

If you attend enough leadership and management training sessions, you might find it hard to avoid the dreaded topic of feedback, which some believe is code for telling others what they are doing wrong. While that is not exactly true, feedback has become synonymous with providing others with insights and opinions on their actions, behaviors and words in a correcting manner. It is not hard to see why most people dread it, from both the giving and receiving ends. But feedback, delivered appropriately and accepted with grace, can be beneficial to both parties.

Why do people hate feedback so much? One reason is that most people are uncomfortable confronting others or being confronted themselves. No one likes being told that they are not working up to par or that something they did or did not do was perceived negatively. But what if you thought of feedback as coaching? Coaches have mastered the technique of pointing out areas of improvement, offering real-time input and working with their athletes to improve both their individual performances as well as the performance of the team. Of course, some coaches yell and, in extreme cases, throw chairs or take more aggressive methods in delivering their messages, but most of the time, the role of a coach is to manage the talent and elevate the synergy among the players. Sounds a lot like a manager, right?

What can you do to be more effective at delivering and receiving feedback?  Here are some tips:

Delivering Feedback 101

• Always approach a feedback session with the best of intentions. Don’t reprimand employees as much as identify, draw attention to, and make them aware of something they did or said that was unacceptable or could be improved upon.
• Be consistent. Feedback should be fluid and part of everyday management. Don’t wait for catastrophic moments or annual reviews to share your observations. Too often, such timing will lead to disproportionate delivery and can be met with confusion or resistance.
• Keep it impersonal. Explain the impact your employee’s actions or words had on others. Many times, people are not aware of the repercussions of their actions. Don’t scold (“You were totally out of line when you raised your voice during the meeting!”); rather, make an observation and share your views (“When you got frustrated at the meeting yesterday, you made the team feel very uncomfortable; no one wanted to share any opinions after that and we lost some valuable time.”).
• Offer an alternative way to manage the moment in question. What good is feedback if you are not helping the individual to improve? Think of it like a golf game-you don’t tell your partner that he/she blew the drive; you note that he/she appeared to be distracted and took his/her eye off the ball, resulting in a missed swing.
• Provide feedback quickly. While you may want to let some time pass, you should seize the opportunity to provide feedback fairly quickly. Telling someone what he/she did last week or a month ago will not seem sincere or have the same benefits as correcting or praising that person in the moment.  Yes, praising. Too often, feedback is used just for correcting or improving someone’s behavior, but it can be very powerful as a validation and reward. When you balance good and bad feedback, you will carry more weight and the employee/coworker will value your opinions more.

Receiving Feedback 101

• Don’t get defensive. It is a natural reaction to avoid, ignore or refute information that is negative or reflects poorly on you. Doing so will aggravate the situation and escalate a tense moment. Instead, pause, assume the deliverer is well-intentioned, and listen to what he/she has to say. You don’t have to agree.
• Hear them out. People will often interrupt someone who is offering a comment or an opinion in order to explain themselves or dilute the perceived situation. This could easily come across as argumentative and create more tension and ill feelings. Let the giver finish his/her delivery. Accept and acknowledge what is being said (again, you don’t have to agree with it) and then, only then, can you offer some of your own insights.
• Keep emotion out of the dialogue. It is easy to become passionate about feedback, but remaining calm and taking the proverbial higher road is ALWAYS the best approach. When you are calm, accept the feedback, listen, and acknowledge what someone has told you, you will come across as professional and earnest in your willingness to improve, gaining even more respect in the future.
• Thank them. After someone has taken the time to deliver feedback, thank him/her. Any information is valuable if you truly want to grow and elevate yourself professionally. Try something like: “Thank you for taking the time to share your observations. I always find it helpful to consider other people’s opinions. I can assure you my intention in that meeting was to be productive, but when so and so started to take us off our mission, I did get frustrated. I should have expressed my  annoyance outside of the meeting, like you are doing now, instead of doing so in front of the group. I will be much more mindful in the future. Thanks again.”
• Ask for more feedback. By asking for more feedback, you may establish a mentoring relationship with that individual and facilitate a more nurturing association. When people know that you appreciate their opinions, they will be more inclined to provide you with further coaching/mentoring, and you may gain a strong ally who will look out for you. Try something like: “I know it probably wasn’t easy for you to share how people perceived me in that meeting, but I do appreciate you letting me know. I am very passionate and it can lead to outward frustration and anger. I would be grateful if you could help me improve by letting me know when similar situations arise. Maybe you can interject in meetings to help me avoid those occurrences going forward. It would mean a lot to me.”

While these tips seem easy to follow, the reality is that, in many offices, managers lack the skills to provide positive feedback. They may manage by intimidation or avoid conflict altogether, allowing poor behaviors to fester throughout a company. While you can’t change how others react, you can change how you respond to them. Asking for ongoing feedback from less skilled managers/leaders can open up beneficial dialogues. Being an example yourself and providing feedback to co-workers/peers can also positively influence the environment.   Remember, you don’t have to agree with feedback, especially if you don’t respect the individual providing it to you, but knowing how he/she feels or what his/her intentions are will ultimately benefit you and give you valuable insight. How you accept criticism is just as, if not more, important than how you accept praise. So rise to the occasion or accept it for what it is—either way, you will be glad you did.