Techniques to Help Women Improve Their Skills in Asking for What They Want at Work  

In one way or another, most professional women need to be more comfortable about bringing business up in conversation and to the table. Notwithstanding the fact that women are continuing to rise in the corporate ranks, the “task of the ask” still seems to be a difficult hurdle for many women to jump. Men, on the other hand, are often naturals at asking for business.  “Hey, Joe,” says Dave, “when are you going to send me a deal? I really need the work.”   And, Joe, after some additional prodding and guy-talk, usually does.

But for women, the “ask” conversation is often less instinctual.  Women in the working world are usually natural caretakers and often weren’t socialized to be comfortable asking for something for themselves.  Generally, it is easier for them to ask with regard to a cause they believe in, but, separate from that,   women need to find a comfort level to be better advocates for their businesses and their companies. You can be assured that, if you don’t ask at all, the answer will always be “no”!  The only way to possibly get a “yes” is by asking.  There is an art and format to doing that, as shown in the following pointers.

The Give and Take of Facilitating a Business Deal

Before you make the ask, you should know that customers typically want you to know “me, my company and my business.”  Thus, it is vitally important for you to do your research on the company you plan to approach. Once you have done your homework, you can proceed to the next step.

What is that?  Realize that the ask isn’t just about a process of getting something. In fact, the most important part of an ask may be about giving. Although that may seem counterintuitive, giving involves a lot of listening and a lot less telling, or assuming. So it’s important to find out from prospective customers/clients, maybe in a phone call prior to the actual meeting, how you can help them find new clients for their business, connect them to people, support them in their job goals, or make their work life easier. Then tell them how you will do that! That definitely comes before the “I want to work with you part.”

Next, when you first sit down with them face-to-face, be sure to listen and learn about the company and the person—the company’s operations and structure, their own personal interests, their children, and where they are from.  You will be surprised at how much you have in common.  It also gives you the opportunity to think of ways to help the prospective client.  If you can help someone, especially in their personal life, they will always remember your kindness.

For example, my husband has helped open doors for clients new to the area with respect to their kids’ schools.  I myself have referred numerous people for jobs over the years and made many introductions.  And, when I was in-house counsel, I approved an outside lawyer moving some of our company’s legal business to a new firm where he became a partner — by virtue of having our business.

You can be assured that the people you help will remember your efforts on their behalf and actually look forward to helping you in return.

The Specific, Move-it-Forward Language of the Ask

There is a whole level of discourse associated with an ask. It has to be intentionally specific. The easy and non-committal “Let’s get together” or “Let me know if I can help you sometime” are better stated as, “I’d love to meet and discuss this further in the next week.  How is your schedule?”  Or “What can I do today to help you?”  

Some other ask styles that women recommend include:

• “We should work together.  Will you think of me the next time you have a deal?”
• “I would love to work with you.  Please let me know if any opportunities arise where we can work together, and I will do the same.”

One attorney I know said that she has met very interesting people and made many friends by networking.  But it hasn’t brought her the clients and business that she hoped it would. That is because lunches, meetings and events aren’t productive unless you are making a “true” ask.  Typically, we go into a meeting and think about what we want to tell about our company and ourselves and why we think they should do business with us.  But the best way to approach it is exactly the opposite!  We need to ask what their needs and pain points are and find out how we can help them to address those issues successfully!

Other times, our own perceptions or misconceptions hold us back. If you believe a company already has the services you offer being provided by another firm, and thus you do not want to assertively ask for their business, thinking it would be pointless, then you can say something along the lines of, “You’ve got good counsel, but let me know if they are conflicted out on anything or you have them overwhelmed –we would be happy to help.”

Unorthodox Ways to Set the Stage for a Profitable Ask

There are all sorts of ways to help your business opportunities be more fruitful. A good friend of mine “plants the seed” to potential clients that even the best relationship can change, and that, at some point, they may need new representation or a new vendor. How does she go about illustrating this sensible (and potentially lucrative) possibility? She tells a prospective client the story of how she got a client by eavesdropping on a conversation going on behind her at a ground-breaking ceremony. The banker for the development was bemoaning the fact that his favorite attorney had gone in-house.  My friend acted on it, and, voilà, was rewarded with a new bank client!  When this story is told to new (potential) clients, it helps them see that the same scenario could happen to them.

Another way to go about it? Two professionals I know made a great networking plan: they partnered up for business development and agreed to share the credits for bringing business into the company. Since they are not golfers and don’t play tennis, they bought season theater tickets at a venue that has a nice restaurant onsite.  Next, they invite a prospective (female) client for the evening, and give her two tickets. Then they all go together for an easy but noteworthy and enjoyable bonding experience that creates trust and opens the door for a comfortable and honest ask. They report that, since adopting this practice, they have reaped the benefits of creating a structure that works well for them to do exactly that.

How to Deal with Rejection and the “Adverse Ask”

Be sure to prepare yourself for the possibility that the answer might be “no.”  You shouldn’t take a no personally, and it actually may give you the option to create alternative business possibilities and other networking opportunities. So if a prospective customer says, “I don’t need your services right now,” don’t give up hope. You can always ask if it is possible that they might need your services down the road (in which case tell them you will follow up, or if they have a need at a later time, to call you).  You can also try adjusting what you can offer now to assist them with their current needs, or ask if they know of anyone else in the field who might be looking for what you and your company have to offer.  If they do, ask them for a phone or email introduction.  Everyone takes pleasure in connecting two people who can potentially help each other make some business magic!

However, when the answer (for the time being) truly is no, remember that it can take up to eleven efforts before you truly connect with a prospective customer. So you should continue to send articles of interest, invite them to business events, and keep yourself in their field of vision. Learning to carry out this sort of professional, easygoing follow-up is crucial, so be careful – do it with finesse, and don’t become an annoying stalker!

A Re-Cap of the Indispensable Rules of an Ask

Bottom line on the ask?  Here is a summary of all the points mentioned above:

• Do your homework.
• Let the client know how you can help their company.
• Listen carefully.
• Find out their needs and how you can make their work life easier.
• Help people personally, as well as in their work.
• Be intentionally specific. Make a true ask, such as a definite date to talk further.
• Ask for introductions to others.
• Follow up on a consistent basis.

Remember, if you ask, you may very well get a “yes.” And if you get a no, always remember that a no today might evolve into an enthusiastic yes tomorrow.  So go ahead, make that ask – and keep on asking!