The Do’s & Don’ts for Dealing with a Leave of Absence at Work When You Are the One Who Is Left  

Nearly a year ago now, my work partner left me, not because he wanted to leave, but on a military leave. He is an Army Reservist, and he had been called to duty. The leave was meant to be about a year long. I knew I would miss him: he was my partner, my other half for work. We had been working together for a year, and I was just getting comfortable not having to know everything for our department because he could know half, and I knew I could trust him with that half. Just as I got comfortable, he was called up, and I realized I needed to learn that half back quickly. He knew things I didn’t know. We prepared, and he gave me a document with contacts for partnerships, passwords to accounts, who to ask when I needed advice, and where the numbers for those reports are populated. In a week or so, he was gone.

Knowing this leave would be a full year, my leadership created a rotational assignment to help backfill some of my partner’s duties. She wouldn’t be him though. She wouldn’t know the things he knew. I would have to teach her the things that I knew and the things that I tried to remember that he had quickly taught me. It wouldn’t be the same. She wouldn’t have the background and expertise. It was help, and for that I was grateful, but it wouldn’t be the same, I thought. Still, I rebounded. As we started working together, I realized that I was right. She didn’t know the things he did, and I had to teach her some things that I knew – but she knew other things, and she was remarkable at still others! She had ideas that neither of us had ever considered, and she was excited for the new projects. She was so organized, and she helped so much with the daily execution that I had time to work on new strategies. She started handling the planning for a big event we were organizing, and suddenly there were so many things I didn’t have to worry about anymore again! She was amazing, too – different but amazing. I soon realized that I could totally survive this leave with my rebound partner.

Then just like many rebounds, I got too comfortable too soon. Our work relationship and our friendship blossomed overnight, and I was genuinely thrilled for her when she announced her pregnancy only a few weeks later. As her friend, I encouraged her to take full advantage of her maternity leave and not worry about work. I personally regretted not being able to have a long or relaxing maternity leave, and I didn’t want her to have anything but beautiful memories of her last months of being pregnant and her first months of having a baby. As a professional, I mourned the loss of another amazing work partner for the time being. By the end of May, I was on my own again, bringing our project that she had so flawlessly began to plan to fruition alone, texting her pictures of the amazing turnout and fantastic speakers in reply to her good-luck wishes and “tell-me-how-it-goes” texts.

Her due date came and went, and when her baby was born, I went to visit them both. I sent emails to my partner overseas updating him on office events. I waded through the daily work, revised and submitted reports, worked through data, and begged for volunteers from other departments for larger events. I made it through summer, and our manager announced he was leaving the company. I went through all the stages of grief and simultaneously started to panic about fall, our busiest season, but, even as I gear up for that busy season, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel because I know in November, either one or the other (or both) of my partners will be back, and it will be time to catch them up. Using the experience and what I’ve learned through my relationships with them both, combined with the understanding from my own maternity leave years ago, I compiled a list of dos and don’ts for managing when you are the one left.

• Do make a transition plan. Make it simple and early. Maternity leaves sometimes come sooner than planned, and military leaves don’t always give much lead time, so keep it simple. Before he left on military leave, my partner gave me a PowerPoint of contacts and information. It was very simple. It was not every contact ever. It was the three that he knew I would need most and that could guide me to any other contact he might have had anyway. Before maternity leave, my rotational partner started copying me on all important emails very early, so I would always be up to date. She had project plans in Excel that were updated, so I could tell exactly where she left things. With these simple transition plans, I had the information I needed or had someone to reach out to who would have the information, and I didn’t have to worry or bother either of my partners.
• Don’t be afraid to ask your boss for help or incentive. Leaves happen. Certainly you may be asked to take on other duties as assigned, but you don’t necessarily have to take on the whole job, no questions asked. Many companies have a portion of budget dedicated for contract labor for such cases, and if you think you will not be able to effectively take on all of the additional duties, you may be able to ask for temporary help (especially for certain projects or assignments that are priorities to complete and may be at risk without proper resourcing). If you think you can take on most of the duties, it might also be relevant to ask if you might be eligible for incentive after completing the time frame or additional duties. A bonus or other reward or recognition may be a possibility. There is absolutely no harm in asking.
• Don’t make your partner feel guilty for her leave. Your partner may already be feeling guilty for leaving the job, and potentially the team, in another person’s hands. Even if you are feeling anxious about taking on additional duties, try to focus on learning the essentials, and avoid sharing your apprehension. Your leadership should be your support to ensure you have the tools to prioritize while your partner is on leave. If you are close enough to your colleague to continue to casually correspond while he or she is on leave, share interesting updates, but try not to delve too deeply into the drama. The closer your relationship, the more you can reveal based on what you know about the person’s feelings, reactions, and interest level, but don’t make it a complaint-fest! This is your partner’s time to focus on the conditions of his or her leave, and while it’s nice to keep in touch, be sure not to relay too much of the stress of work. Share enough information to be transparent, but avoid focusing on details like how much trouble the team is or how slammed you are as a result of your new assignments.
• Do let your colleague know he or she is appreciated and admired. By the same token as above, don’t minimize the significance of your partner’s work. While you don’t want him or her feeling guilty for leaving you behind, you also don’t want to give the impression that you are doing his/her job and your own effortlessly. It’s a great time to let the partner know how much you admire the ease with which he or she accomplishes such impactful work, the way the person seems to manage the team smoothly, his or her knowledge in the space or influence on business priorities. Many people worry that taking a leave will ultimately show that they are disposable, so do take the time to express admiration for the partner’s work.
• Don’t let something big fall through the cracks. You may feel the responsibility has been left solely upon you to complete all the essential tasks left behind. As weeks go by and you understand the weight and intricacies of the assignment, be realistic. If some tasks are too complicated, time consuming, or out of your skill set, ask for help. In particular, let your leadership know if risk is increased for an area or business priority as a result of diminished resources. Speak up proactively so that there is still time for leadership to obtain additional resources to ensure a positive result. Your candor will be more appreciated than your effort to take on everything if you fall behind or fall short of goals.
• Do see the light at the end of the tunnel. A leave is a temporary situation. Try to view it as an opportunity to expand your skill set and gain more visibility in the organization. It will surely give you a new respect for your colleague’s duties and hopefully bring a new level to your relationship. Finally, the time will hopefully expand your insight and potentially give you a better idea of where you excel and what inspires you at work.