What the #TreatYoSelf Movement Can Teach Women About Self-Compassion, Relaxation, & Self-Esteem   

If you scroll your social feeds or check your inbox, you’ll likely find at least one use of the hashtag #TreatYoSelf.  Following the concept’s introduction on TV’s Parks and Recreation back in 2011, advertisers and bloggers have since used it to encourage you to buy that flirty little dress you’ve had your eye on; forget your diet and indulge in a decadent dessert; or cast your cares aside and splurge on a spa day.

Most women have done this: who hasn’t treated herself to an expensive pair of shoes or two after a big accomplishment or a bad day? But it’s helpful to take the statement further and really examine how we treat ourselves: we all know there are thousands of articles, self-help books and blogs that focus on how you can have a better relationship with your significant other, your boss, co-workers and even your kids. But we sometimes miss one of the most important relationships we have — namely, the one we with ourselves.

Women are pulled in so many different directions — whether they’re single, married, a parent, or have a demanding career, they often put aside their needs and desires for the greater good.  But is that modality really doing anyone any favors?

In fact, just a little focus on yourself can actually enhance the other relationships in your life.  You know the old saying, “You can’t truly love anyone until you learn to love yourself?” It’s good to take that to heart: for us, as individuals, to get to know ourselves and treat ourselves the way we want others to treat us.

Scheduling Time for Self-Care, Musing, & Leisure

So where do we start?  Here are a few steps you can take to not only #treatyoself, but to treat yourself well.  I’m not talking extra whip on your latte; I’m referring to really getting to know the woman within and learning to love her:

Spend Time with You! 
Think about your ideal love relationship.  I’m sure it involves date nights and quality time, right?  We expect that, or at least desire it in our romantic relationships.  But how often do we spend quality time with ourselves? It’s often the first thing that gets pushed aside as the demands of life require attention.

Solution: instead of allowing everyday tasks and last minute emergencies to steal your me-time, schedule it. Choose to set aside an hour a week, for self-reflection, to journal, or whatever it is you do when you spend quality time alone.  Once you’ve committed, increase the time until you’re spending quality time alone every day.

Get to Know You  
In our teens and early twenties, many of us (except for the lucky few) had no idea who we were, what we wanted out of life, or what we stood for. Then, as we aged, life experiences helped us to become comfortable in our own skin and confident in our life decisions.  But, even in your late 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s or beyond, you shouldn’t stop getting to know yourself.  You’re always evolving, growing and learning.

During your quality time, think about the things you love about yourself and allow yourself to feel good about them.  Also, reflect on those things that need improvement.  Don’t beat yourself up about them, but acknowledge that you have room to grow, and start taking steps to do just that.  Whether it’s taking a walk to get more active, or realizing you’re in a toxic relationship and reevaluating your situation, do something to improve your quality of life.

Keep Dreaming
Some of my best alone time is spent dreaming.  As a little girl, I dreamed about my perfect house, my grand career and all of the adventure I would have as an adult.  It made thinking about the future exciting, but as I grew up, it also helped me set goals for myself.  Just because we’re not five anymore and we know that fairytales aren’t real doesn’t mean we should give up on dreaming.

A friend of my mother introduced me to the concept of a dream board.  It’s an exercise she does every year, and women from all walks of life can benefit from it.  The concept is to create a visual representation of your dreams, visions and goals.  It’s a constant reminder of where you want to go and what you want to be. The board can be as crafty/artsy as a poster or scrapbook, with magazine cutouts and quotes, or as techy as a graphic on your screensaver that resembles a Pinterest board. But the overarching concept is to take time to decide what you really want for yourself, identify those things, and set goals to achieve them – then making them manifest via a visual tool you can look at all the time, keeping you on track and helping you not lose sight of your goals and dreams.

The Valuable Motivating Power of the Visual

While your dream board can include your vision and goals for your family or your career, be sure that it also focuses in places just on you.  One of the first times I went through this exercise, I glued photos of a house on my board.  It was my desire to be a homeowner, something I had never thought of doing as a young, single woman. I pasted photos of the things I wanted in my home, and set goals to improve my credit score, to save money, and to research various aspects of home ownership. This visual, along with the goals and a little prayer, led to the purchase of my first home.

There’s a quote by Harriet Tubman that says “Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.” If our dreams are so powerful they have the ability to change the world, imagine what they can do for our own lives!

Absorb and Accept Compliments

It’s true, however, that we can’t dream all the time – after all, daily reality always intervenes. But it’s worth it to also take a look at those everyday situations to see where we stumble with our self-negating behavior. We are all our own worst critics.  It’s cliché, but it’s painfully true. The other day, I was watching a YouTube video of a comedy sketch. Women were giving other women compliments, and immediately the complimented woman would either downplay the compliment, or reply with some self-deprecating comment. It was a funny look at a sad situation.

Many women, myself included, have a hard time accepting praise from others — and an equally difficult time accepting it from themselves.  It’s easy to believe others when they bash us or insult us, but we often gloss over the compliments and praise we get from another person. It’s time to change that. Next time someone compliments you, simply say “Thank you!” Then store it away, or maybe even reflect on it (just as much as you would reflect on a negative comment).

Now, take it one step further. Start to acknowledge your own accomplishments, and then compliment yourself. Give yourself a little pep talk when you need it, and celebrate your successes, taking a few minutes – ideally, every day — to #TreatYoSelf!