Juggling the Sometimes-Conflicting Needs of Work and Kids

Jamie is busy prepping for the trial on Lee Anne Marcus vs. the City of Charleston and the Charleston PD, so she asked me to write her column this week.  I decided to talk about something Jamie doesn’t know anything about, and that’s being a working mother.  We come in many shapes and sizes.  Some of us can afford childcare, some of us can’t, but no matter what, we are some of the best employees and hardest workers you will ever meet.  A mother can do it all.  A mother has a sixth sense about what is needed in any given situation.  Mothers give a hundred and ten per cent, because when you’re raising kids, nothing less will do. We know that our kids need us, and we know that our bosses need us too.  How do we juggle those sometimes-conflicting needs?  We prioritize.

Whether you’re a married mom or a single mom, most of you have probably experienced that your baby daddy’s priority is always work.  If your child’s father is one of the rare, few amazing men willing to cancel a meeting to attend a soccer game or call in sick because his child has to go to the doctor, treasure him.  If not, accept what help he can offer and know that you have two jobs, your kids and your career.  Try not to resent that, or him.  Be in the moment and appreciate these hectic and satisfying working mom days.  It’s good to be the queen.  Many of my female friends miss the killer career-woman identities they left behind when they stayed home to raise children.  If your lifestyle affords you the opportunity for motherhood AND work, be grateful.  Your kids will grow up fast.  Soon enough, you’ll have your freedom and be master of your own time again.  The good news is, societal acceptance that career Moms sometimes have to put their kids first is growing. Most bosses can be understanding and flexible after a woman has established herself as indispensable in the office. In a new job, the priority for a time will probably be work, and during tough projects, it is definitely work. At those times, planning is imperative. When you’re at a new job or in a pressured phase at work, spend some weekend time lining up your help: babysitters, carpools, after school programs. Appeal to your children’s father and ask him to cover for you, just for a few weeks. And talk to the kids to get their buy-in.  Let them know that Mom is not going to work this hard forever.

Finally, when you are at home, be present. Don’t repeatedly check your e-mail. When you are with your kids, set everything aside and interact with them.  Once they feel loved and seen they will likely wander off to their own enjoyments, so you can get a little more work done.

Of course, every working mom has had her heart broken, when her kids get angry or cry because their mom has to go to work instead of staying with them. But here’s the truth: non-working moms can have the same moments with their kids. The parent-child relationship is complex, no doubt. Kids learn how to connect with other people and how to navigate relationships primarily through their parents. They’re going to try to get your attention, and they’re going to try to make you feel bad.  How you react will teach them and shape how they relate to others.  Sometimes a parent’s job is to make them understand that in life, you don’t get everything you want, and you don’t get 100% of anyone’s attention.  That might not be comforting when you’re driving to work crying because your child is at home sick, but it is common sense.

I’m proud to be a working mom. We get up earlier, sometimes when it’s still dark, so we can look great, make the breakfasts and the lunches, and get the kids up and off to school or daycare before we start our working day. Then, we stay up later, catching up on assignments after the kids have gone to bed.  But honestly, I like it.  I like being important to my kids and to my boss.  And I bet you do too.

Photos: ©2014 CBS Broadcasting Inc; Writer: Dana Stevens, Reckless Creator