Tips for Surviving When You Don’t Succeed

The morning after the Academy Awards, some nominees wake up cradling that tiny, coveted statue; others wake up without an Oscar and with overwhelming feelings of disappointment, as well as thoughts of, “Maybe next year,” “I could have done…,” or “I should have changed….”

Disappointment is the admission that despite your wishes and best efforts, you did not get what you wanted. How do the actors, directors, and producers get over failure and disappointment? For that matter, how can each of us overcome the inevitable major disappointments in our lives? How can we rise above failure and disappointment?

From watching your home team lose the big game to losing the big promotion to the person in the adjacent office, we all suffer occasional disappointments. Although we cannot be in complete control of the thing that caused the disappointment, we certainly control how we deal with aftermath.

Let it go

“Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be.” – Sonia Ricotti

Let it out, then, let it go. When disappoinment it fresh, we tend to agonize over it, many times while trying to keep on a shiny, happy face. Talk it out with your best friend, a therapist, your spouse, or your mother. Write down your feelings. As you process what has happened to disappoint you, two things should become quite clear: what you could have done differently and what you must do next.

Change the View

“Hope is tomorrow’s veneer over today’s disappointment.” – Evan Esar

When disappointment hits hardest, go take a walk to change your perspective. Your vision is still intact; you still want the promotion, the house with the picket fence, or the Oscar statue. Cloak your vision in hope and trudge on. Consider this small failure as an opportunity to polish your goals and your vision.

Find the Payout

“If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment.” – Henry David Thoreau

Your compensation for disappointment is the ability to learn a lesson from each failure. When faced with the disappointment from a failure over which you had control, such as the success of a presentation or the attainment of a sales goal, consider what, if anything, you could have done differently. Sometimes, it takes a little while before we can become quiet and still enough to receive the payout from a disappointment.

Don’t Rush

“You don’t have to do everything by the time you’re 30. Or 40. All you need is a work ethic. It’s what allows you to push through moments of disappointment and self-doubt and fear.”– Candace Bushnell

Disappointment often results from our failure to acquire what we want or think we deserve in the timeframe we desire. “Not now” does not mean “not ever.” Realize that whatever you anticipated would happen was never a certainty; after all, nothing is. Do not allow your disappointment today keep you from working toward tomorrow. You, and only you, control the timeline of your life. Set your own bar, then raise and lower it as needed.

Change Course

“Sometimes by losing a battle, you find a new way to win the war.” – Donald Trump

It is likely that through the process of letting go of the disappointment, you discovered something you missed, or a way in which you could have done things differently. Sometimes you have to change the trajectory of your goals a little to achieve them.  Imagine if every actor who did not win an Oscar nod gave up acting. Imagine the incredible movies that might never have been made! Perhaps your own Oscar-winning role is one you haven’t had yet.

Be careful — when putting your life, career, or relationships back on track after a major setback — to not hide or bury your emotions. You need to let yourself feel the disappointment before you are able to actually process the emotion and move on. Some people require a few days to process, and some need only a few hours. Whichever it is, the processing time should bring clarity to your situation, and peace to your mind.