When Cupid Strikes at Work

Did cupid strike at your office? Between February valentines and June brides, when the weather begins to warm, love is in the air. The notion of giddy romance and stolen glances brings a smile to even the mildly romantic of us, but they can bring headaches, frowns, anxiety and extra paperwork to the human resource department of any company.

Office romance is such a large issue, that SHRM, the Society of Human Resource Management (SHRM) conducted a Workplace Romance Survey in September 2013. Their findings: 43% of human resource professionals reported romances in their workplaces and that 99% of organizations have policies that do not permit a romance between a supervisor and a subordinate. Despite policy, cupid does often strike at the office.

For the HR manager, the key to managing office romances remains a clearly defined, written policy on workplace dating. According to SHRM’s data, 42% of employers now have written or verbal policy on these romances which is up from 25% in 2005. No policy equates to no protection for the company, and in today’s society, that can mean lawsuits when a couple ends their relationship and sexual harrassment lawsuits fly. Some companies, 5% SHRM reports, created policy to include a signed contract indicating that the relationship is consenual to protect the company from lawsuits when love dies.

It’s a sticky situation. You’ve heard water cooler rumors about a budding romance between Bob the accounting manager and Allie the accounting admin who were lunching together or holding hands around town in the evenings. Are the rumors true? Do you dare ask? SHRM reported, 67% of the time, office gossip winnows out office romances, followed at 61% by reports to the HR department.

Robin Kraemer, a 20+ year human resources veteran who is currently a Senior Human Resources Manager of a large, international company said, “at any sign of an issue, someone should elevate the level of response to (the company) hotline or ethics line.”  Human Resources management should then investigate immediately to “squash any perception of impropriety.”

Sometimes the water cooler rumors are unfounded, as was a case that Kraemer handled several years ago. A woman and man in the office were coincidentally on travel at similar times and frequently had meals together. An employee did the right thing and brought the issue to the HR department for investigation. After pouring over company emails, cellphone records and questioning both parties, HR ascertained that no relationship beyond friendship existed; it just looked like one did.

This brings us to the question of appearances… Even a perfectly innocent relationship that gives the impression of romance causes discord in an office, especially a small one. It becomes incumbent on HR to find a way to separate the parties to extinguish the flames of office gossips. In the case where love strikes and a romantic relationship blossoms between two consenting staff members, the parties involved should report their elevated relationship to human resources, especially if there is a subordinate or reporting relationship involved. HR can and should then move one of the parties to another role or department so that one does not report to the other one. In the case that Kraemer administered, the non-couple were re-assigned to slightly different roles to eliminate the appearance of impropriety.

Another sticky situation in today’s workplace is social media and the lives of employees after work hours. More than ever, organizations should have policies in place regarding fraternizing after hours and the reporting of activites on social media. Younger employees especially, might not understand the ramifications of posting the photos of Sunday’s drunken Superbowl party to Facebook. Kraemer advised that, “HR should be careful not to overlook the things that happen outside of the workplace.” They should advise employees that “if it follows you into the workplace” a relationship or actions become a workplace issue. Romantic liaisons between employees–even those that cross departments and do not include reporting conflicts–become public when reported on social media and follow employees to the office. Verbal instruction to employees regarding how and when to report their relationships to HR, combined with honest communication by those employees, reduce the negative impact of office romances.

Busy professionals often spend more hours at work than anywhere else. The likelihood of meeting someone on the job and becoming romantically involved is great. 49% of the HR managers in the SHRM survey reported that the forbiddenness of and reaction to an office romance depended upon the situation, indicating that they are both empathetic to the situation and recognize the need to manage and mitigate potential crises in their organizations.

To the employees like Bob and Allie struck with cupid’s arrow, a word of caution. Like the old Sammy Fain and Paul Webster song said, “Love is a many-splendored thing;” until it’s not. Many a career has been devastated when the romance ends and the job continues. Do you want to have to sit across from your ex every week in the staff meeting? Are you prepared to find another position, one that you might not love, when your ardor for each other cools?